Day 3

Day 3- Tuesday, November 14, 2010

I eat breakfast after yoga today.  I have to go out for it because I no longer have milk, but I eat it at home.  It is enjoyable –I stop when it feels right to stop, put the rest in my lunch-I still can’t throw food out.  Lunch is only like three hours later, so I really am not very hungry.  But it is the only break I get until 4:30-so I eat.  I eat about half of my meal before giving up: I have no hunger.   I finish with something a little lighter-some dark chocolate in the big pile of junk food in the kitchen.  Dark chocolate-the one thing I can eat.  I nibble on about three small bites, then do some paper work.

Not all that hungry come 4:30.  People, however, have been raving about the peanut butter snacks-so I try one.  They are pretty easy to stay present for because they taste so good..  I eat one & finish treating my patients.   By the time I get home, it is 7:30 & I hungry is present.   I mean, hunger is present.  For dinner I finish my Greek food leftovers: dolma, tabouli, and lentil soup.  I am pretty much able to eat all of this while still having hunger.  When I finish, though, I feel satisfied & stop.  By the end of the day, I feel relaxed, at least in relationship to food.

Today, my relationship with food is less stressful than on Monday.  It helped that I didn’t go through the long stage of hunger I experienced on Monday.  Also, though, I didn’t over think it as much.  My stomach felt full on Monday because I ate dense food-yet it was so little food that I wasn’t satisfied & fifteen minutes later I was hungry again.  Often, I want to eat something even though I am not hungry.  I feel guilty afterwards.  So upon embarking on this journey, I had thought if my stomach wasn’t empty- I wasn’t hungry.  All other eating was “emotional” & unnecessary.  This theory, though, is too simple.  Your mind has a complex system involved in communicating whether or not you are hungry-there are multiple ways to hungry-some more well justified than others.  Though my stomach was full, I had not consumed enough calories.  Today did not seem so difficult-I don’t know why.   I haven’t quite figured out what the difference is between true hunger and being eating out of stress, boredom, or the fact there is still food on the plate.  It is hard to tell during the meal.  Thirty minutes later, though, I always know.  If I ate too little-I’m agitated, too much-lethargic, just right- I feel . . . well . . . just right: the food volume version of the three little bears.